


Foolhardy.

by Alyakam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Dark Harry, Depressed Niall, Falling In Love, Harry hangs with a bad crowd, Louis and Liam are Harry's friends, M/M, Mysterious Harry, Nerd Niall, Niall is alone, Possessive Behavior, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Stereotypes, Zayn will appear somewhere sometime, also on Wattpad, niall cries a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 08:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11414064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyakam/pseuds/Alyakam
Summary: A sixteen year old boy constantly rips himself apart with the dark part of his thoughts. Niall, is his name. He is a lonely boy with social anxiety and a fear of wasting his life away in his bedroom reading books.An eighteen year old boy, however, wastes his life on adventure, cigarettes, and tattoos. He doesn't read comic books, let alone a page with printed words. He has friends, he has confidence, and a bit of cockiness. No wonder the seventeen year old boy envied the muscle-bulging man. One could even say he fancies those green eyes and bulging muscles.





	1. Chapter 1

<https://goo.gl/images/MKgNw5>

 He cringed as he stared at the picture printed on God knows how many papers.

 

_Niall Horan, our sophomore, wins fifth place at state spelling bee!_

 

 _How impressive, I can already feel my attractiveness increasing,_  he thought bitterly. He threw the school newspaper in a trash bin and slowly walked away in an awkward manner. Subconsciously, he runs his tongue over his crooked teeth, glancing down at his purple sweatshirt and khakis. He sighs in defeat.

 

_I'm top five in state spelling bee._

 

He felt the urge to slam his head against a cold metal locker.

 

><

 

"Mom, I want braces."

 

She turned and stared at her son with wide eyes. Her hand, holding a sharp knife, stopped chopping the onions.

 

"Al-. . . Alright?" She agreed. Feeling somewhat accomplished, he walked away, leaving her to stare at the blank wall.

 

><

 

_Oh God, he's here today? Today of all days! He couldn't skip today?_

"Niall, are you ready to present?" My teacher spoke. Niall started shaking in his seat.

 

"Y-Yeah." He gulped and stood up, making his way to the front of the class. He ignored the stares. They were judging his outfit, his greasy hair, _why the heck did I not shower this morning?_  Most of all, He avoided the direction of where _he_  sat. All he needed to do was finish his history speech and go back to the safety of his seat, away from all of the prying eyes.

 

"I-I chose Rosie the Riveter as a historic ic-con for America because-" He heard a small snicker in the back of the class and his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Rosie was an icon for American _women_ , of course people were going to laugh at him, a _boy_. "She represented strong w-women during world-"

 

He started feeling lightheaded all of the sudden. Sweat started seeping through his sweatshirt. Why was it so hot?

 

"World. . . Uhm. . . W-World-"

 

"Are you okay, sweetie?" His teacher was suddenly at his side. "You look pale."

 

He couldn't stop himself. His head turned in the direction of _his_  seat and felt sudden frustration when blue eyes didn't meet with green. He wasn't paying attention, he was too busy carving curse words into the desk. Tears threatened to spill from his eyes. _Will I ever be able to catch your attention?_

 

"C-Can I go to the nurse, Miss?" He whispered, ignoring the mocking stutters coming from his _hilarious_  classmates.

 

"Yes you may, Niall," She gets out a pass and signs it before handing it to him. "We'll talk about your presentation. See me after school, okay?"

 

"Oh God," He couldn't respond. He took one last glance at _him,_  and when he finally met green eyes, he couldn't process it fast enough because he was already sprinting out the door. He ran past the nurses office and headed straight for the library. Once he was inside, his lungs started filling up with oxygen and his mind wasn't so clouded.

 

"Niall? You alright, kiddo?" The librarian asked in a sweet voice that always managed to comfort Niall.

 

"No," His voice cracked as he hid behind a bookshelf, grabbing a Thesaurus fro where he hid it the last time he ended up in a similar situation. He opened the page with the sticky note sticking out and let himself continue on memorizing the new words. "Sacchariferous, producing or containing sugar," He whispered to himself. Anything to get his mind off of _him_. 

 

"Niall, should you be skipping class?" The librarian found him. He jumped almost a foot back.

 

"I got s-scared," He whispers, afraid she will send him back. "Please don't send me back to class, they'll laugh at me, Mrs. Applebee! They make fun of me when I can't get my words out and it makes everything worse." He's back to teary eyes, just when he felt calm in his own safe haven. He thought nobody could take that away from him.

 

"You'll be hearing from me if I get in trouble," She sighed, walking away.

 

"Oh, thank you, thank you! I prose you won't get in trouble!" He slumped in relief as she walked away from him. He closed his eyes for a moment before going back to his thesaurus, humming to himself the rest of the period.

 

><

 

**_Instagram Notification:_ **

**harrstyles** posted for the first time in a while

 

His hand hovered over the like button, but he quickly stopped himself. _D_ _on't be silly_. He sighed an opened the front camera. If only he had good looks to catch everyone's attention. Life would be an utter fairytale. But this is the real world, and Niall could never get the happiness he craves for if it ever looked him in the eyes.

 

He'd eventually end up scrolling through _his_  Instagram to look at old photos and reminisce in what could be. With a crush that easily gets thrice the amount of likes and comments as anybody else, he's got to be the bottom of the list of being noticed by Harry Styles.

 

 

 


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting there, just you wait.

He hauls the textbooks and homework, some more than others that aren't his, in his arms as he walks along the snowy sidewalk to school. He sniffles a bit, cheeks all rosy red from the nippy air. He struggles to carry his belongings but he's slowly getting used to it. He see's the entryway to the school and sighs in relief. He really needs to get a car. . . And a license.

 

He hears vaguely familiar laughter before he sees it. He abruptly stops and braces himself, checking to make sure the homework is the first thing piled on top of the textbooks.

 

"Horan! Just the boy I wanted to see," Vinnie shouts from across the school parking lot. Niall flushes at how many people bother to turn their heads. He scuffles across the lot and reaches Vinnie's group.

 

"You can take your homework, Vinnie," He mumbles, itching to fix his glasses sitting off his nose.

 

"S'all finished? Everything look like it was done by me?" He asks and Niall tries hard to refrain from snickering. _Lets just say I had to dumb myself down a few levels to do your homework._

 

"Yes," He says instead. He scratches the back of his head, feeling a weird tingly sensation.

 

"Alright," He finishes, shoving the paper into his unzipped backpack. He waits for a thanks but Vinnie doesn't seem eager to give one. Vinnie looks back like he expected him to be gone already. "The fuck are you still standing here for?" He shoos Niall away while his group laughs and he can only walk away with red cheeks.

 

"Stupid!" He smack his forehead, hoping no one saw that. He walked through the halls in search for more people.

 

_"Where's my homework, Horan?"_

 

><

 

"Good morning, folks! _Boy_ , is it freezing today?" The voice over the speakers sounded different; much deeper and raspier. "Goddamn, I'm starving. What's for lunch?" Everyone looked around, confused. "Ah shit, it's mashed potatoes and meatloaf." People actually laughed at that, even Niall. "What you get for going to the shittiest school-"

 

"Tomlinson!" A voice shouted in the background and Niall's heart nearly stopped beating.

 

"Liam Payne, you're a dumbass. Fuck off! Get any closer and I'll punch your fucking face in-" The voices are cut off and the whole room is silent. Then, everyone erupts into laughter but the teacher doesn't look pleased. Niall cracks a small smile, trying hard to show his respect to her no matter how humorous the situation might have been.

 

"That damn Tomlinson kid." She sighs before yelling at the class to settle down.

 

><

 

Niall walked along the short brick wall outside school's front doors. He trailed his cold fingers along the white railing, humming to himself as he waited for his mum to pick him up.

 

"Hey! Kid!"

 

His head shot up to the voice and spotted some guy running toward him.

 

"Yeah you! I need you to hold this for me real quick." The man panted as he reached Niall, handing him a spiderman lighter. "Thanks!" Then he ran away.

 

"Weird," Niall whispered before he spotted another man running toward him and he got a little bit scared.

 

"Hey!" The guy shouted as he stopped in front of him. "Where the fuck did you get that from?" He pointed to the lighter in Niall's hand.

 

"U-Um, uhh, t-this guy gave it t-to me-"

 

"Shut the fuck up and give it to me."

 

Niall flinched and nearly flung the lighter at the guy.

 

"Never touch my fucking stuff again, you hear me?" The brunette, blue eyed guy slapped Niall's cheek lightly before taking off in the direction the tall guy went. Once he was out of sight, Niall slumped against the railing. He closed his eyes and relief flooded his mind.

 

"Why is it always me?" He questioned out loud but nobody answered.

 

During dinner that night, Niall's mum asked his most dreaded question.

 

"Got any plans with friends this weekend?"

 

_What friends, mom?_

 

Once he's in the safety of his room, he lets a tear slip, then another, then another until he can't hold it back anymore. _What friends?_

 

><

 

 **harrystyles** posted a photo

 

Niall pressed like on the photo and sniffled a bit before reading the comments. Most of them had curse words and others only had emojis. He was too confused by what they all mean, so he shut his phone off and tossed it on the floor before closing his eyes. The fiery feeling in the pit of his stomach never simmered.


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to upload a couple more chapters.

Turns out, life isn't as worse as it gets. Niall listens to the family in the house next door yelling and throwing things. He know he shouldn't be eavesdropping, but they're kind of yelling really loudly. It's always been this way. He's never actually seen the family too.

 

He hears a door slam and he glances out his bedroom window. A teenage girl, about his age, is angrily stomping her combat boots against the snow and yelling at nothing. Niall sparks an idea, quickly pulling on his shoes and grabbing his coat. He walks outside and joins the girl on the sidewalk.

 

"Hello," He bravely speaks to the girl.

 

"Fuck off!"

 

Niall flinched and stepped back, cautiously.

 

"I-I'm sorry." _This was so stupid, so so stupid_. He turns around, ready wallow in his empty room when a hand grips his shoulder. He's scared to death now.

 

"What the fuck gave you the right to come over and talk to me, huh?" She pressed on, glaring hard at him. All he could see was the silver nose ring reflecting off of the bright moon.

 

"I-I thought you might need someone to talk to," He whispered, ready to pee his pants. Her grip is strong and painful, just proves he's as weak as they come. He tried his best to refrain from crying because he's just signed his death wish. He gulps and opens his mouth again. "Sometimes, when I-I get angry or upset, I talk it out with my mom a-and-"

 

"I don't need your advice," She spat and Niall flinched again. "What's your name?"

 

"Niall Horan," He whispered. She nodded like she was processing the information.

 

"Fiona." They stare at each other for a moment, Niall mostly waiting for her to say her last name. "Stop staring." He looks down at his torn converse. "Jesus, do you do everything strangers ask you to do?" He opens his mouth to say no, then he remembers the other day with the lighter and the scary guys running around school. Then those several moments when he accepted some unfinished homework from people. "Christ, you do!"

 

He didn't like the fact that she was laughing in his face. It made him feel small and useless. _It's not like he already is_. She abruptly stopped laughing, as if she realized she was supposed to be mad at something.

 

"My dad. He just pisses me off," She turns to stare at her house. Niall follows her eyes and stares at it too because he feels this situation is a bit awkward. At least he got her to talk to him.

 

"Why does he make you mad?" He quietly asks, not wanting to overstep boundaries. She scoffs and shakes her head.

 

"He has this idea in his head. I'm supposed to be a good daughter. No body piercings, no smoking, no drugs, no partying," She kicks the gravel under our feet before leaning against her mailbox. "He thinks he's lost touch with his little girl, but I'm still that girl. I don't know man. . . he just doesn't get me."

 

"I'm sure he doesn't mean any harm," Niall softly speaks, white puff of clouds escaping from his mouth. He shoves his pale hands in his pajama pockets before speaking again. "He misses you, and I'm sure he's scared that his little girl won't be needing him one day. He just wants to spend as much time with you as he can before you go off to college." Niall's face flushes as she stares at him with no emotion. He feels the tension in the air, but he's positive he is the only one who senses it.

 

"You haven't been to a party have you?" She speaks in an amusing tone. Niall's cheeks flush red at her question and he can't help but look back at his cozy looking home.

 

"I-I don't really have. . . friends." He was hesitant and embarrassed to tell her, but it felt good to get it off his chest. She hummed and nodded before pushing herself off the mailbox.

 

"Next time you see me, don't be afraid to walk up to me, kay? I promise I won't tell you to fuck off." Her smile is really nice, he thinks to himself as the corner of her lips pull up. Hope blossoms in his chest and he can't help but smile the widest he's ever smiled.

 

"Wow," He chuckles, in shock and a bit breathless. "Thank you, Fiona. You don't know how much that means to me!" He feels like he could go bounce off his bedroom walls as soon as he gets himself inside. He doesn't know what to do with these newfound feelings. He shocks himself and Fiona when he steps forward to wrap his arms around her shoulders in a friendly hug. She stands frozen and awkward.

 

"Okay, I think that's enough hugging," She says, and he immediately pulls away with a blinding smile. He doesn't feel insecure about his teeth, not even for a second. How could he when he's unofficially made his first high school friend? Wait a minute. . .

 

"What school do you go to, Fiona?" He's never seen her at school before. She looks at him like he's suddenly grown two heads.

 

"The only school that's within a ten mile radius." Niall scratches the back of his neck, laughing at himself.

 

"You're right. I've just never seen you at school."

 

"That's because I barely show up. But, I'll see you Monday."

 

><

 

 **NiallHoran**  posted a photo for the first time in a while

 

He's smiling in the picture and he's very content with it on his page. Even if that means only his family will acknowledge and like it.


	4. four

Niall walked down the school halls with Fiona, subtly avoiding the few homework's he didn't complete for his classmate. He nervously pulled his sleeves over his hands to hide the fact that they were shaking nonstop.

 

"I'm going this way, I need a snack from the vending machine." Fiona didn't bother waiting for his response. He looked all around him, completely clueless on what to do. He knows Cam and his friends stand by that vending machine every morning and he's not about to make his day miserable.

 

"Uhm-. . . I'll, I'll just wait here!" He bit his lip, hoping she heard him since he didn't get a response. He leaned his back against the wall and watched tired students pass by with grumpy looks, as he thought more. Cam specifically told him not to forget his Monday homework or _else_. Niall is too much of a wimp to want to know what _else_ actually means.

 

Luckily, Fiona came back with a small bag of cheez-it and a similar tired look. He gives a glance behind them before walking along the hallway.

 

"Let's get you to homeroom, shall we?" She yawns. As they walked quietly, Niall couldn't help but wonder why she was even bothering to hang near him. He only ever had one friend and that friend wound up in a better place. He doesn't understand what's making her stay if he couldn't even prevent his last friend from leaving him.

 

"Fiona?" He whispers, subconsciously tugging at her army jacket.

 

"What?" She responds, shoving more chips in her mouth, staring down the hall with a typical bored expression.

 

"Why aren't you running away from me?" He doesn't mean for it to sound so depressing. But then again, his whole life is depression in a nutshell. She stops abruptly and turns to face him.

 

"You're not who you think you are, Niall."

 

She walks away, leaving Niall both stunned and confused.

 

><

 

He was too distracted during History class to notice his crush walk in and sit down. He did come back to focus when he heard the teacher arguing with him.

 

"Why didn't he write you a pass then, hm?"

 

He shrugs in the corner of Niall's eye. "He didn't feel like it."

 

"I'll just have to ask him myself." Her face was red with anger.

 

"You go right ahead," He sarcastically smirked and sat back. _Oh that smirk_ , Niall bit his lip and sunk lower in his seat. He had his tattered orange beanie partially covering his head of beautiful curls but a few stubborn strands stuck out. He wanted so badly to reach out and ask for permission to touch them. Maybe stare into those beautiful green eyes for a little bit.

 

He shook his head and turned away, focusing back on the teacher. No matter how hard he desired to be known by Harry Styles, it was never going to happen. In the corner of Niall's eye, though, he noticed his fists clenched together on top of the desk. It made him curious as to what he was angry at.

 

><

 

"Niall, sit over here," Fiona shouted across the cafeteria. So much for _ignoring_ Cam, he thought bitterly. He discretely maneuvered his way over to Fiona's empty table, taking a seat in the chair across from her.

 

"Thank you," He politely mumbled and she looked at him weird before taking a huge bite out of her ham sandwich. He dug into his lunch bag, taking out an apple and his water bottle. She stared at him weirdly, again.

 

"That's all you're eating?" She looked appalled and Niall felt small under her gaze.

 

"Ye-" His voice cracks and he clears it. "Uh, yes." He didn't know what else to say, this was his lunch everyday. She shook her head at him.

 

"You are one strange kid, Niall."

 

"Thanks?"

 

It was quiet for a while and the itch on the back of his neck was starting to annoy him. He scratched his neck and looked around the cafeteria. He was surprised, so to say, when he caught a glimpse of familiar eyes. _He_ doesn't look happy whatsoever. An angry glare was settled on his face and it was directed straight towards Niall.

 

"What'd you do to make Styles pissed off his rocker?" Fiona mumbles as she chews her sandwich.


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will be longer.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day. . . and Niall's not feeling good. In fact, today has been one of his unexpected and exceptionally bad health days. His head throbs a deep rhythm and it causes him to clench his jaw and grind his painfully braced teeth. He knows he shouldn't grind his teeth, but it eases the voice in his mind. He is normally good at blocking out everything in his mind, but he feels too weak.

 

He can't fully comprehend the harm he is doing as he grips his right arm with his left hand, digging his nails in and attempting to will away the pain. He can't help but compare. Compare himself to women, or gorgeous men, whom of which associate themselves to the man he can't help but love. They are prettier, they are much more confident, they drink alcohol, smoke for days. They've got the world in the palm of their hands, yet ready to take it on and. . . he's just sitting on his bedroom floor, next to his bed, crying his eyes out and feeling sorry for himself.

 

"God, I'm so pathetic," He cries. He tries to let everything go, to stop crying and be strong. It'll only build further, his heart is already in too much pain. He cries and cries until he feels that his whole face has swollen. His eyes sting every time he desperately rubs the tears away. A knock on the door freaks him out.

 

"Niall, honey? Are you alright in there? You haven't come out for a while." Her voice is laced with deep concern and Niall can't help but feel guilty. He's making her life difficult by being the worst son. He wishes he could be the perfect son that has friends, that goes out over the weekends and works for his own money.

 

"Y-Yeah, I'll be out." He tries not to sniffle as he waits to hear her footsteps.

 

"Well. . . Okay. Don't be afraid to talk to me if somethings on your mind."

 

"Okay."

 

He grabs a tissue and wipes his nose. He grabs several other tissues for the next thirty minutes. It takes almost two hours until his face no longer looks blotchy red. It is safe to face his mother. As soon as he enters the room, he feels like crying once she speaks.

 

"Why don't you go catch a movie with your friends, hmm? I heard that new Disney movie is out now! You used to love those Disney movies when you were a teeny toddler," She smiles brightly at the memory. "Always begged me to play Cinderella with you. You had such a wild imagination."

 

He awkwardly shoves his hands in his pockets to keep from scratching his bruised arms. He shuffles across the kitchen and avoids eye contact, hoping she won't notice what he had been doing prior.

 

"Everyone's busy with family." He hates that his lies have become so simple, to be able to blurt out. He can't, for the life of him, lie straight to his mother's innocent face. He pictures her heartbroken expression and he just. . . he just can't do it.

 

"Oh, shame. Maybe you and I can go see it?" Her tone is hinting something suggestive and it tells him she really wants to go see the movie. He can't help but want to see it too. It's his favorite Disney film, alongside Cinderella.

 

"Sure, I'll just change real quick." He doesn't actually change, he pulls on his torn maroon hoodie and sprays a bit of ancient cologne, just because, before slipping into his better pair of converse.

 

"Ready, kiddo?" He groans at the nickname before heading out behind her. The drive is short and silent. Niall mainly switches the stations before settling on a good song as his mother does her best to converse. He tries responding, but after his horrid episode earlier he feels too drained. They arrive too early to be considered on time, and his mother graciously pays for their tickets. "Want a drink? I'm buying popcorn too."

 

"Coke is fine," He replies, quietly, as he scans the lobby in hopes that he doesn't see anyone from school. This is usually a hotspot to go to over the weekend, especially when good horror movies are showing. He doesn't really mind horror movies, but they always give him nightmares. He's pretty complicated.

 

"Alright! Let's go!" His mother is overjoyed as she heads to theater number eight, which stands right next to the lobby. "Oh shoot, they're still cleaning." He stops and notices the black belt blocking off the entryway to the theater and he sighs. "Guess we have to wait," She tells him, holding her drink and the popcorn.

 

"Yeah," He mumbles, picking a piece of popcorn and popping it in his mouth.

 

"Do you know those kids?" She asks out of the blue. Niall curiously looks in the direction she's looking and he spots what nearly makes his heart drop dead. It's _Harry's_ usual group of friends. They're wreaking havoc in the lobby and destroying the employees' sanity bit by bit. "Such awful children, don't know how to behave. Must be something wrong with their parents." She turns her head away in disinterest and merely misses the entrance of Niall's never ending crush.

 

He waltz' in like he owns the place, sunglasses on, tight black and ripped skinnies hugging his beautifully shaped body. The white t-shirt does nothing to hide his large, and inappropriate tattooed biceps. He feels his face flush as the temperature rises. He wants to push his sleeves up, but his mother would question the bruises and scratches on his irritated skin.

 

"Niall?" His mother's voice is distant. No matter how angry he is at Niall, Niall still wants to catch his eye. He wants to have the same effect on him as he did to Niall. That will never happen. Though, some people in the group spot him and point while snickering. Not once does Harry turn his head, and he does feel blessed for that.

 

The employees finish cleaning and Niall quickly rushes inside the theater, ignoring his mother's laughter because she thinks he's genuinely excited to see the film. He actually might be.

 

><

 

The film ends and Niall has to wipe away a few tears. It was a genuine film and he can't get over how beautiful it turned out. He feels so out of character as he openly babbles to his mother about how good it was.

 

"Niall, hun, I have to hit the restroom before we leave."

 

"Okay, yeah, take your time." He feels too giddy to worry about the possibility of seeing _his_  group.

 

"I'll be back in a jiffy!" She heads to the restroom, leaving him alone and for the first time, he is really relaxed and happy-go-lucky. He shuffles on his feet, smiling at the little girls wearing their Belle dresses. He hopes he doesn't look creepy, but they are just adorable and so care free about life. He wishes he could be more like that, but it's not that easy.

 

He decides to walk around because he feels a bit lightheaded. Probably from bawling his eyes out and not drinking enough water or eating today. Leave it to him to get sick in public. He looks at his hand and notices it's abnormal paleness. Not good, at all. He quickly turns to find his mother, but shortly runs into a hard body.

 

"Oh," He faintly hears himself say. He can't register if he's apologized or not before he's cold sweating. It's all becoming so sudden.

 

"-aren't gonna pass out on me, are you?" He can only make out the end of the strangers sentence. The voice sounds familiar and must mean a lot to him because it makes his body shudder. His vision is hazy and gray. The last thing he hears before strong arms catch him is, " _Shit_."

 

><

 

He wakes up with a pounding headache. He's in the back of his mother's car, lying alongside the seats. He groans and his mother distinctly hears it.

 

"Niall, are you okay? I'm taking you to the hospital," She sounds so worried sick and it tears him further inside. Everything is his fault.

 

"M'fine, ma," He mumbles, mouths too dry and disgusting.

 

"I'm taking you to the E.R. anyway. I don't want you sick on my watch."

 

There at the emergency room, he is told he had been too dehydrated and his mother relaxes at that, nothing too serious. He settles in the hospital bed as they wait for an okay to leave.

 

"How'd you get me to the car?" He can't help but ask. He remembers the deep voice that kept him from hitting his head on the floor as he passed out.

 

"Oh, a tall gentlemen, with rather _inappropriate_ tattoos might I say, helped carry you to the car. He seemed nice, but I don't know about the tattoos."

 

Niall flushes at that.

 

"Did he give his name?"

 

"Hmm, he might've mentioned his name. Harry, was it?"

 

 _Oh lord_.

 

_He touched me._


	6. six

He can't fully wrap his mind around the initial thought of the man he's disastrously fallen for, physically holding him _in public_. In front of his friends too. He can't comprehend the pain he feels when his insecurities reach the ultimate max at the thought of the man carrying his heavy body through the parking lot. How awkward it must have been with his mother trying to converse, and possibly embarrass him further. He hates having to assume everything was okay, that _maybe_ the man would send a smile his way whenever they passed in the hall.

_Oh boy, was he wrong._

 

Shortly after the embarrassing incident, his mother gifted him an old yellow bicycle she found at a yard sale around the corner of their neighborhood. Ever since he got the bike, he's been riding it _everywhere_ , from the grocery store, to school, to maybe the end of his street on boring days. It was a successful tactic to get his mind off of everything weighing on him. He likes that his mind can drift to peaceful things as he sways his bike along the sidewalk. He feels, that for once, his life is gearing toward a hole he can climb out of. High school does not define your entire life, he just has to make it all the way through.

 

Early on a Tuesday morning, he is riding his bike to school. His sleepy mind can't help but drift to green eyes and a deep voice. Tattoos up to his neck, cigarette dangling from sweet pink lips. His eyelids are so heavy, and his body feels like a feather floating in the sky.

 

_"Hey, I'm having trouble on this math problem, mind helping?"_

 

_"Who, me? I thought you were supposed to be mysterious and badass, Styles."_

 

_"Guess I'm cocky when I'm around you babe." Smirk. Wink._

 

_Blush. "Oh, stop it." More blushing. "I'm actually bad at math, so it's no use asking me."_

 

_"I lied, I just used that as an excuse to--HOOONNNKKK!" Deadpan stares in utter shock and confusion._

 

_"What?"_

 

"Holy Jesus!" The car behind him honks for five more seconds before swerving to the other side of the road to surpass him. He tries to look inside the tinted windows, which eventually start rolling down.

 

"Move bitch, get out the way!" Vinnie shouts as several guys crowded in the backseat laugh and flip him off. He swerves back into the right lane as Niall rolls his eyes. He peddles fast, thinking that was the last of it. Vinnie's car abruptly stops, scaring Niall into braking fast. It results in his body flying over his bike and landing on the hard ground. The laughter slowly fades as his arms and legs sting, painfully.

 

He sits up and focuses on moving himself and his bike out of the road. Once he's sitting on the curb, he inspects his injuries, silently cursing everything in existence. Before he can build up another wall, he slaps himself out of it.

 

"You are _not_ _weak!_ " He hisses out loud, refraining from whining as he rises off of the curb. He looks at the street sign and knows he is close to school. He hops back on his bike, the pain never subsiding.

 

><

 

 

After he chained his bike to the rack, he noticed the stares he was getting. The blood seeped through his clothes and he felt very uncomfortable with having to walk around all day. After attempting to ignore the stares all the way to his locker, he grabbed his gym shirt and rushed to the restroom. It will take a while to get the dry blood off his arms, his legs are just going to have to bare with exposure for the day. He sighed, frustratingly, as he opened the restroom door.

 

The chatter he caught from the mere second of opening the door had come to an abrupt halt. He stopped midway through the door and stared at the group of boys passing something around and inhaling it like it was a cigarette. They stared back with stone-cold expressions, only one stuck out. He turned to exit the restroom when a voice made him jump.

 

"Why don't ya hang around, Horan?"

 

He turned around to face a familiar brown haired boy, stalking toward him. His blue eyes eventually trailed down to the bloody mess. He snorts.

 

"Looks like you gotta mess to fix, hmm? Who did it? Ghatto? Valentino? Strasburry?"

 

Niall didn't want to confess, knowing the man of his affections is standing right in this room, watching him and this boy converse. This boy seemed anything but nice, it put Niall off.

 

"I-I fell off my bike," He whispered, fluttering his eyelids as if something were caught in his eye. The boy crossed his arms and smirked at him.

 

"Uh oh. Baby fall down and go boom?" The snickers turned into loud laughter and it was hard not to flinch at the sudden volume. He was nervously sweating,   itching his itchy skin.

 

"Uhh--I--um-"

 

"Dude," He laughed at him. "It was a joke." He flinched as a hand slapped his chest. "C'mon, lads."

 

They pile out, a few men-- _boys_ \--purposely bumping into him. As soon as the door closes he is quick to washing off the dry blood on his arms. He switches shirts and throws the bloody shirt in the trash can. While doing so, he thought long and hard about how much he hates school and the people in it. Specific people, of course, excluding one man.

 

He grumbles to himself as he exits the bathroom and walks along the halls. He makes it on time to his classes the rest of the day. Nothing turns up unusual or shocking and Niall is especially happy about that.

 

+

 

It's hot. He feels hot, and he can't breathe. Images flash behind his eyelids and they are, dare he say, inappropriate and hard to comprehend. It's visions of him lying on a white bed with a large figure hovering above him. He's smirking down at Niall like he knows exactly what he's doing.

 

Niall can't breathe, his chest feels constricted and the figure is kissing him. Cherry red lips bruising his, making his hot pale flesh burn. When Niall wakes up at four in the morning, his sheets are a mess and he's a mess and it's all too much. Tears race down his cheeks, the images burning in his mind. He steps out of his bed, wondering where his life went so wrong so fast.

 

Let's just say the moment he saw the man, _of his literal dreams_ , in the halls the next day... his cheeks discovered an unknown shade of red.


	7. seven

When Niall was a tiny little thing, his imagination always strayed so far from reality. The younger Niall Horan dreamed of being a soldier, an astronaut, a police officer. Anything that he spotted walking about, he wanted to seek and attain. Of course, those dreams and its sparks had tragically been replaced with ashes. Comparing himself to an emotional rollercoaster and its only way was down--

 

"Excuse me?" A disturbed voice breaks his train of thought. He looks to his left with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. "You're blocking my car."

 

"Oh," He shuffles his bike forward and away from the car trying to back out of the parking spot. "M'sorry," He mumbles the same moment the guy mumbles a _weirdo_. He scratches his arm and forces himself to keep pedaling.

 

His bike ride brings his thoughts back to life. He pictures a happy little boy, smile so bright the sun could never compete. He pictures a woman walking toward the boy with a birthday cake and its candles all lit up. The man to the boy's right is recording him with a camera and a beautiful melody is coming from the beautiful lady. The boy is so happy, he can't help but clap to the tune and giggle in suspense.

 

The cake is placed on the table in front of him and the sparks on the candles light up his face. They finish the rendition and the woman leans down to kiss his temple.

 

"Make a wish kiddo!" The man next to him cheers on. He looks at both of them and continues to smile. The boy is quite smart and he wants to be direct on his wish. He closes his eyes and strings up a sentence in his head.

 

_I wish to make someone as happy as daddy makes mommy!_

 

He sucks in a huge breath and exhales, blowing out the candles with a few deep breaths. Several years-- _tears_ \--later, his wish never came true. Everything soon became false, and that bright smile eventually resembled a dark cloud.

 

Suddenly, an ear deafening scream startles him and he almost crashes his bike. He stops on his bike and looks in the direction of the source. He sighs and his shoulders drop. It's just a bunch of jerks messing about the corner of a drugstore. His heart is still beating fast, and paranoia is lingering somewhere inside his mind.

 

He braces himself when he begins to pedal by the group, but a tall man steps in front of his path and grips the handlebars with his hands, bringing the bike to a sudden halt. He slowly looks up and stares at red scar hidden in the man's scraggly beard.

 

"Nice bike you got here, ay?" The man gives a deep and short chuckle, looking back at his pals before returning to stare at him.

 

"Y-Yeah, I guess so. . ." The pit of his stomach is churning and he knows very well that this could get ugly.

 

"It'd be a real shame if. . ." Suddenly, he's being forcefully dragged off of his bike by his underarms. ". . . It was stolen?"

 

"No, p-. . . please-"

 

"Wait a second," He laughs in Niall's face. "Are you. . . Are you fucking crying?" The man holding him up chuckles along and he feels a tear roll down his cheek. _Let me go_ , is on the tip of his tongue, ready to roll off in sobs but he's cut off by a voice from afar.

 

All heads turn toward a small fiery Tomlinson quickly crossing the street with his gang behind him. He's heading toward them and _oh no this cannot end any better._ The man gripping Niall grips tighter and he winces.

 

"Got a fetish for picking on boys, Tom?"

 

The last thing Niall wants is to anger this man currently holding him hostage. Louis' friends had caught up to him by now and oh jeez, it's a group of eleven compared to his hostage's thirteen.

 

"Only when they cross my turf, Tomlinson. You know we always gotta teach 'em a lesson." He cracks his knuckles and Niall's not prepared for the sudden change in atmosphere. Also totally not prepared for the sucker punch to his face. He hears a few _ooh's_ and curses as he winces in utter pain.

 

"Very funny, now let the boy go." Louis instructs in a tone that stresses warning signals. He did _not_ see the kick to his gut coming, but it did. He tries to bend over but the man holding him keeps his body as straight as a pencil. He does notice a fist inches from hitting his face.

 

He tries to stop it in a weak attempt. "Pleas-" He really feels that hit. He cries out in pain as his nose and jaw painfully ache. He wishes, desperately, to be far away from here.

 

"Enough! Tom!" Louis orders in a sharp tone, cracking his own knuckles. He ends up getting in a fight with a man and that spews a fight between both groups of people and it is utter chaos.

 

"Let. . ." He jaw is already swollen as he tries to talk through the pain. "Let me g-go." He's jostled and another punch to his face hits him so hard blood flies from his mouth and lands on the concrete. It continues to trail out of his mouth and he's dry-heaving before he realizes it. He can see all of the blood, he can _taste_ all of the blood.

 

The man lets go of him and he drops to the floor, crying out in pain. It sounds distant but he can hear himself scream out to no one. People hurting each other and it's getting out of hand and he fears he will pass out.

 

 _"Enough!"_ A deep dark voice yells atop everybody else yelling. Everyone immediately stops, even Niall. But, he's still audibly crying in pain. He feels like his chest and head have been kicked in a thousand times. The dark voice angrily says something else that he can't hear because he's about to fall into a peaceful slumber. _Hopefully forever._

 

"C'mere, we'll patch you up, kid." He recognizes that voice as it fades into darkness.

 

><

 

It doesn't take him long to wake up from his nightmare. He sits up in bed and takes a moment to realize the pain on his tummy and the excruciating migraine was not the results of just a nightmare. He also realizes he is on a random couch and not his bed. . . Or even in the comfort of his own home.

 

"Before you panic-" He jumps at the sudden voice from behind him. "Whoa. Calm down, mate. Before you panic and go all apeshit, you're in my house. I am Louis Tomlinson and you are Niall Horan, we live-"

 

"I-I didn't lose my memory," Niall mumbles, dumbly.

 

"Oh, well that makes it easy." He pulls out a pack and lights one up. "Move your legs, I gotta sit." He obeys, and awkwardly looks around for an escape route. "Liam will be back with medicine for you or some shit, I don't know." It's awkward silence again. He feels he should say something. Anything.

 

"Thank you."

 

Louis looks at him like he had grown two heads. He starts laughing and it hurts Niall's head a bit, but he keeps from outwardly cringing.

 

"Don't thank me, mate. I didn't do jackshit. It was all my mate, Harry, if that's who you need to thank so badly."

 

Niall's heart stutters and he desperately wants to continue that deep slumber he woke himself out of. His question slips off his tongue before he can even properly think it through.

 

"Where is he?"

 

"Don't know, probably downtown." Louis doesn't seem so surprised by the question and so Niall settles his nerves a bit. "You got lucky. If I hadn't been there, whew. Dead meat." That doesn't settle his nerves whatsoever.

 

><

 

"Niall, honey, where have you been? I was worried sick looking for you all night!" His mother stresses as he walks through the door.

 

"I'm sorry-"

 

"What happened to your face?" She frowns further and the anger is etched on her face. "Niall, who did this to you? I will tell the principal-"

 

"Mom, it's okay. Nobody at school, just some guys I ran into in the wrong place at the wrong time." He attempts to walk by her and escape the scrutiny he desperately wants to avoid.

 

"Enough of that Niall!" She yells at the top of her lungs, scaring Niall to death. She's never yelled at him like this before. The tears almost immediately start to build up at the thought of where this was going.

 

"Enough of what, mom?" His voice admittedly cracks, heart wrenching in pain.

 

"Stop brushing this off like it's nothing! I never received a call no matter how many times I tried to reach you! I was worried _sick_ to my stomach and you have the audacity to walk into my house covered in bruises and tell me _it's okay_." She's screaming and she's crying and Niall's crying too because he can't handle it. He can't handle the disappointment in her voice.

 

"I-I'm sorry, mo-"

 

"Please, by all means, go to your room and hide like you do all day. It's clear to me now that you don't care about anything anymore." She turns and heads toward the kitchen, leaving Niall a blubbering baby mess. He trudges toward his room, tears still falling down his puffy red cheeks. He feels completely responsible with the weight of the disappointment and the sad eyes and the tears.

 

"Fuck!" He yells, kicking his door and it slams shut throughout the quiet house. He wants hurt himself, he wants so badly to take away his mother's worries and chuck it off a cliff. He himself wants to be chucked off a cliff. "Dammit," He absentmindedly scratches his arm as he faintly hears the family next door fighting. The screams and the glass shattering is too much.

 

He can't help it when his mind wanders to a darker place. The bruises on his face throbs as he kills himself deep inside. He's got blood in his fingernails and all over his fingers, digging too deep in his skin. He freaks out at the sight of it, but he can't seem to stop scratching the wounds. The pain in his head is all too strong and he doesn't make it to his bed when he passes out.

 


	8. eight

 

Let me try and paint you a mental picture.

 

_A tall boy covered shoulder to torso in tattoos walks into school with a grim, angry facial expression. He looks about ready to slam someone into the wall. May as well be his scrawny friend yapping his ear off. He charges down the hall, everyone pulling to the side to avoid his path of destruction. He turns to his precious blonde boy leaning against the locker waiting for him._

 

_He swerves to the left and right up to cutie. Everyone watches as his facial feature no longer expresses anger. He kisses the boy and_

 

"What are you writing?"

 

Niall slams his notebook shut and avoids eye contact. He can't face the embarrassment of what charming Louis Tomlinson caught him writing. He tries to ignore the man as the silence awkwardly hangs in the air.

 

"I'm good at this game Niall, I'll wait all day if I have to." Louis snickers.

 

"Why do you care," He whispers and Louis surprisingly hears it.

 

"You just look a bit lonely, yeah?" He chuckles. Clearly he finds emotions humorous.

 

"Maybe I want to be alone." He's clutching the notebook so hard, his knuckles are pale white, not an ounce of blood reaching to his fingertips. Louis takes a seat at the table and looks back at his group of friends who are watching. It all becomes clearer. "If you're looking to pick on me, just get it over with." He still hasn't made full eye contact with the man.

 

Louis ignores his comment. "Hey, uh, where's that girlfriend of yours?"

 

Niall finally looks into his eyes with confusion written on his face. "Who are you talking about? I don't have a girlfriend." _Nor am I interested in one_.

 

Louis clicks his fingers, trying to remember the name of the girl. "Fisc--no, fay--not that. . ."

 

"Fiona?"

 

"That's her name!"

 

"I don't know. I haven't seen her." Niall quite frankly doesn't care anymore. He's done making friends, if they keep running away from him. To tell the truth, he has actually seen her in the halls. If she wants to purposely ignore him, so be it. Niall doesn't have time to chase after somebody who doesn't want him. _Of course you have to word it like that._

 

"Oh. Sucks." It's silent again and Niall deadpans.

 

"That's what you came here to say to me?" Ever since that night two days ago, that terrifying breakdown in his bedroom, he's had it up to his head with everyone picking on him and making him feel like shit. He's tired of being tossed around like a rag doll. _Secretly, he knows he will never change. He'll just continue to quietly take the punches._

 

"Apparently. So she's not your girlfriend?"

 

"That's what I said."

 

"huh. . .  gotta go. See ya." He's up and out of the cafeteria before Niall can process it all. He look down at his journal and sighs. Is it possible for someone to be weirder than him?

 

><

 

As soon as Niall walks out of the building, he spots his crush and his attractive friends carelessly smoking in the parking lot. The tall man is leaning against a beat up blue mustang, one hand in his front pocket and the other swiftly pulling the cigarette from his lips. Niall feels frozen, like he's in some cliche music video or movie where he stares longingly at the extremely beautiful man of his dreams. Then, something wild happens. It makes Niall's heart stutter and beat faster.

 

He _smiles._ Although it's not a full smile, just a small pull to his lips, it makes Niall all giddy. He grips the straps of his backpack tightly and keeps his eyes on the man of his affections.

 

"Why don't you talk to her?"

 

"Jesus!" He jumps nearly five feet in the air and turns his head so fast he almost snaps his neck. "Wha--where do you come from?" He grumbles angrily.

 

"My mom. What? Is that not right?" Louis jokes, smirking in mockery. Niall rolls his eyes and looks away. "Talk to her."

 

"Who?"

 

"Emma. Haven't you been giving her googoo eyes this whole time?"

 

Niall turns toward the group an notices the red haired girl talking and using wild hand gestures.

 

"Not exactly," He mumbles, fidgeting with the bandaids covering his scratched up arms. Luckily, people will just assume it was caused by the huge fight. Not that they care anyway.

 

"What?" He snorts. "Your googoo eyes were for Styles?" He snorts again, like it's a joke. But Niall stays silent and Louis stops joking. "Oh fuck no." He's so serious now and it scares Niall.

 

"Huh?" Niall knows the color has drained from his face now.

 

"You love _Styles?!_ "

 

"Keep your voice down! Please! And I don't _love_ him!" _Not yet_.

 

"Fuck, kid. Here I thought you had brains on ya."

 

"What's that mean? Why can't I like someone?"

 

"It's not that you can't like _someone_. It's just pretty insane for you to like someone _as insane_ as Styles. I've said enough now. Catch you later." He's off again, leaving Niall speechless and scared.

 

><

 

_As insane as Styles._

 

That just confuses him. Louis hangs around him, so why would he say that about his friend? Maybe Harry has a deep dark secret nobody but Louis knows about? He doesn't know. But he does know that he can't get rid of the sinister image of Harry pressing him roughly against a wall, trapping him with his big tattooed muscles and kissing him hard.

 

He leans against his bedroom wall and groans in emotional agony. Why is his life so fricken messed up? Maybe Niall wants to be Harry's other insane half. Louis never thought about that.

 

"Because why would he, you idiot." He mumbles to himself as he pictures the beautiful tall man smiling at him, a full grown smile not to be holden back, not even a tiny particle. His foolish heart warms up at the image in his head, and he definitely feels a part of him go insane that night.


End file.
